jian-zhen's Blog

I’m in a rather unusual position in that there aren’t many “single” women in the swinging world. When a couple finds one they find attractive, and who is truly bisexual and enjoys the lifestyle, they are deemed to have found the illustrious unicorn.

Coming early to the lifestyle when I wandered on to a swinging website with a view to having my first threesome aged 23. Being brought up as a “Traditional” Chinese girl, I craved a release and what I saw as the perfect real-life porn. Luckily for me, my first meet was with a very sweet (and beautiful) younger couple. The seed was sown, and for the past … years I have been on and off various sites, met some fascinating people and indulged in the hedonism that is so far removed from my perceived life of respectability. I am in a relationship, an open relationship and as I love sex, I love watching and being watched, but disliking monogamy swinging seemed a fit.

What is a sexual unicorn?

Colloquially called a unicorn because of it’s “near-mythic rarity” a sex unicorn is best described as “the person who joins a couple/ group either for a threesome/ group or to enter into a triad polyamorous relationship.

A unicorn is generally a bisexual female but can also be a bisexual male – there are also gay unicorns and gender-nonconforming unicorns.

There is no universal definition for unicorn. To some, unicorns are single women in the Swinging Lifestyle who identify as bisexual; they are relatively rare, which is why our title is perfectly appropriate. Uni-cocks (single male swingers) are more common, but a simple search of Lifestyle (both swinger and polyamory) websites reveals that couples are more likely to search for a single female than a single male.

In polyamorous communities, some people use the term 'unicorn' to refer to all genders and the definition varies from couple to couple, group to group and community to community. I was in Eastern Europe last month and one group used the term 'unicorn' to describe a single woman who is committed to one couple only. In January, I met an American unicorn who says she only plays with groups of couples. And I’m currently working with a bisexual Canadian who identifies as a unicorn seeking a male-female couple for a committed relationship. This type of terminology is fluid.

What does being a unicorn involve?

Being a unicorn can involve anything from a one-night stand with a couple or group to a full relationship (polyamory, more on that in another blog).

It is perfect for someone like me who doesn’t always desire commitment but enjoys sex and particularly threesomes/ group sex.