stiffpoles's Blog

I wasn’t always bisexual.

Bisexual word cloudLife is full of decisions and changes, some for the better and some not. Making these changes bring us to what I refer to as ‘my crossroads of life’ because no matter the direction you turn your heading into the unknown. Now, for myself, I strive on searching the unknown and exploring what can be, so making changes are always exciting and challenging. I would, however, be remiss if I didn’t admit that changes always give me butterflies in the stomach where my nerves are trying to get the best of me, especially with the really big decisions that I make in the crossroads of life.

I have made many decisions throughout my life, some of them easier, like changing jobs or buying a car to the more challenging like purchasing a house and figuring the best place to live, but then there are the important ones like marriage and deciding to … Then, out of nowhere comes the thought of becoming bisexual, which turned out to be one of the most challenging decisions I have been presented with. A married man at age 50 with two teenage kids, a great sex life and all of a sudden I am searching once again for something missing in my life, a void that has yet to be filled.

Looking back, I guess it was not a decision to become bisexual as much as a desire and a feeling that something was missing. The hardest part of all of it is not knowing if the desire is real, and if it is how to act upon it as a straight male with no knowledge of my imposed lifestyle. Of course, as a married guy it gets super complicated as not only are you having to battle with your own emotions,“…as a married guy it gets super complicated as not only are you having to battle with your own emotions, but you have a partner…”but you have a partner that cannot possibly know or understand, much let accept this new desire to be with someone else. Although the desire is only sexual and physical in nature, it continues to eat at you daily.

I couldn’t help but have this feeling of a caged animal just waiting and looking for that small opening to escape and be free. I have been a masturbator all my life, from a … boy and young man to an older a married man … but now the only thing that was constantly on my mind is sharing my love of masturbation with another man. Knowing how great the feeling is when I am able to sit alone and stroke my penis I can only image the feeling of sitting naked with another guy being totally connected by the bate and the mutual satisfaction and gratification you both feel deep inside your loins as you share each other’s cocks. This thought continued to grow stronger and stronger with each passing day.

The usual complexity of a straight, married man has now become very complicated, very fast. How do I meet other bisexual men, how do I know if they are interested and the list of unknowns go on and on. It returns me right back to my teenage years when I first discovered it was time to ask that special girl out and how nervous I was. Only now I’m not asking a teenage girl for a date, I want to ask another grown man to get naked with me and masturbate me, and vice-versa. My head is spinning with thoughts of is this even a normal thought or have I completely lost touch with all reality. My mind is saying to me what are you doing, you are not a young man or probably even a desirable man in an attempt of trying to bring me back to my sense of reality, but my desire is so strong my mind only seeks the satisfaction and there is no turning back.

Lucky for me this is not the 1970’s and technology has made it so much easier to advertise and express our needs and bodies. i.e. the internet! Of course, I have never done anything like this before so being completely oblivious and unconnected I search and find a few social sites make some posts with pictures and to my dismay I have messages and comments coming in and am completely blindsided by some of the contexts in the replies. I just discovered there are guys out there just like me, well maybe a little (a lot) more advanced than I am and I have no way of communicating at their level. “…technology has made it so much easier to advertise and express our needs and bodies.”Luckily I had commented on a picture posted by someone that showed him in a group bate sitting with a few other guys and we started chatting. Long story short is after explaining what I was looking for and was bi-curious he gave me the BateWorld website and told me to check it out because that sounded like the place I was searching for. I know he is in Houston, but I cannot remember his name but I sure owe him a huge debt of gratitude for finding me a place where I was comfortable and able to explore my curiosity without pressure.

Now I have found what I was looking for online, but how about real life? Am I ready to meet a guy, how will all this play out with the wife? All good questions that I have no answers for at this point. The good thing is the wife knows I have a high sex drive, I am a nudist and an exhibitionist and have no problems getting and being naked anywhere. She, on the other hand, is just the opposite of me on when it comes to many sexual situations and nudity which have usually kept me in check. However, it has never stopped me from suggesting many things that have eventually lead to better fun in the bedroom, but also many things that just will probably never come to fruition. One item that perhaps helped open this door was when I suggested we go to a swingers session and see what that was all about and meet some new couples, etc. She actually researched a few local places and was very close to agreeing but at the last minute told me she just could not enjoy watching me have sex with another woman, even if she was with another man. I tried to explain that this was not an emotional venture, but totally sexual in nature and just opening up another door for fun in the bedroom. She did not agree with me so there was never going to be any swinging in my future.

Bisexual IconAs I spent time on Bateworld and chatted with guys from all over the world I began to understand more of the bating philosophy. They would tell me about these bate sessions of single and group meetings and it was then I knew I had to experience this. The thought of sitting or laying naked as another guy ran his hands up and down my body, touching me in places that a guy has never touched was … and at the same time mind-numbing. All I could do is replay how this would feel and how I would feel as I dived deeper into the realm of the unknown. I found my mind to be centered on a subject that previously had always just been a mere glimmer seated way in the back of my head, never expecting to be acting upon such emotions.

Unfortunately, I knew I could not find a bud and plan anything without the wife knowing about it. I remembered the words she used in reference to our swinging venture that I had suggested; I just could not enjoy watching you have sex with another woman. Ah, she didn’t say anything about another man, huh is that the opening I needed? Can I use this and present it to her as masturbating is a natural guy thing that I have been doing for years and now I just want to try it with other guys? I contemplated the scenarios but truly had no idea where this may lead, but I had to try.

I finally sat down with her on a Saturday morning and opened with the various suggestions I have made over the years ending with the most recent swinger idea. As she squirmed as she typically does when I bring in new suggestions of a sexual nature, I stopped her in her tracks when the bomb of me wanting to hang out naked with men left my mouth! That deer in the headlights stare, I slept with her best friend (another story) look, made me say to myself, fuck this is not going to bode well for me! She sat silently and absorbed what I had said for what seemed like an eternity when in reality it was only a few seconds. All the while I am now thinking should I have ever brought this subject up. We have been through a whole lot over the years, but this may be way over the top. Either way, the shit was out of the bag and there was no putting it back.

Bisexual Moon SymbolAfter the short pause, she looks at me and replies how long has this thought been running through your head? However, she did not have a … off tone, it was more of a truly inquisitive demeanor like are you sure or maybe she didn’t hear what I said correctly! As I gathered my thoughts I begin replying that I guess I have always had these thoughts in the back of my mind, but never really felt a need to act upon them until now, explaining how I have reached 50 and I am running out of time to explore all those sexual things I have always wondered about and it is time to act. I then began explaining that I really wanted to do the swinger thing as a couple, but since she wasn’t interested I moved to my next sexual utopia. Smart or not transferring the blame on her seemed to work as she replied; well I guess if that is what will make you happy, go for it! Of course, there is always a but and hers was; I am fine with guys, but I do not want any females in any part of this and just be forwarned that when I am in the mood you better be as well or the end will be coming sooner than you expected. Of course, I agreed to those terms as I am thinking, damn I got by on that one.

Now with the new found freedom I just received I return to Bateworld trying to determine how to find a guy that would be interested in bating with an old bi-curious dude with no other man on man experience. Spending time online chatting now seemed purposeful knowing that when I do find someone interested all I have to do is make the plans and it’s a done deal! Of course, it has been 25 years since I was on what I considered the dating scene and a lot has changed. I guess mostly it was me as I am now chatting to some pretty hot guys in there 30’s and early 40’s and I start getting called ‘Daddy”, which I later learned came to be as a term of endearment to many in this community of bators, but at the time thought I was being ostracized as I was old, a little heavy and hairy all over.

Time went by for a few weeks as I chatted with many guys, of course, none that were in my proximity, when out of the blue I get a message from a guy about 2 hours away who after we messaged a bit and then talked on the phone invited me to his place for an afternoon of fun. “…now the reality sunk in that I may actually be getting naked with another guy and letting him touch me.”Okay so to say the least leading up to this all of it just seemed like fun and games and now the reality sunk in that I may actually be getting naked with another guy and letting him touch me and my cock. As I agreed to meet him and we set a date my nerves were beginning to get the best of me, but it was a good nervousness! By the time the date was over, my emotions were raw and my mind was racing as I just had an experience that went beyond my wildest imaginings of what it would be like. I had begun my transformation from a straight bi-curious dude into a completely bisexual man in quick order.

It goes without saying that there have been many Bateworld members that have shared with me online, in person and on cam that have enlightened me in the LBGT world and way of life. A year ago I was invited and attended the June Disney event I still refer to a Gay Days, although I know that is not correct and I even wore a red polo shirt to help celebrate. This was funny because the group we were with other than my buddy had any idea that I was bisexual! More recently I finally met a long distance bud this past Christmas and we spent three terrific days together in a condo in Atlanta with me being milked and we tag teaming and double milking all the Atlanta dudes we could get to visit us. I also have another special friend that takes the time to come from out of town and spend the night to visit with me every four to six weeks so we can share a meal, excellent conversation, and a great bate session. I am also very pleased to report that there is finally a jack group here in Charlotte that is actually active and hopefully growing with each bate. I have even found a local men’s spa and will pop in there from time to time and always seem to find some nice cocks hanging around!

Bi TrianglesI will continue to learn and experience more as I have chats and messages on BateWorld and even found that I have become somewhat of a person to ask for advice from and hope I have helped many through answering my messages and chatting with those that want to talk. My big advice to all is to take that chance of leaving your comfort zone and enjoy whatever lifestyle you so choose or at least give it a try. If you find it is not your cup of tea at least now you know, don’t spend your life wondering what could have been. Thankfully I have been fortunate enough to personally entertain a couple of bi-curious guys and luckily can report I did not scare them away! But I always warn the new curious guys to start slow with a guy that you can connect with and form a bond. I know I was very lucky with my mentor and want to make sure I pay that experience forward with any and all that I come across, or should that be cum across! Either way, it’s all good…

by anonymous