MistressKawani's Blog

D/s Foundation: Four Corner Stones

The Foundation: Honesty

The refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. Adherence to the facts. To uphold Honor. Before Y/you can be honest with O/others, Y/you must be honest with Y/yourself. How many times have Y/you done things Y/you did not like, or even wanted to do but instead lied to Y/yourself and realized Y/you were acting just to please S/some O/one else? Are Y/you being honest with Y/yourself when Y/you respond this way? Are Y/you being honest with Y/your P/partner? Your first step should be S/self-discovery. The first P/person Y/you have to learn to be honest with is Y/you. Once Y/you learn S/self-honesty, Y/you will find that honesty with O/others becomes second nature. S/self-honesty does not come easy when Y/you first enter this lifestyle. There will be many things that tempt, intrigue, and even scare Y/you. When Y/you first begin, Y/you won't know what Y/you really want, but that will come in time with learning more about Y/yourself. O/one must take stock in O/one's S/self with honesty. What are Y/your good and bad points? Learn to enhance Y/your attributes but never hide the faults from A/any O/one. Some of U/us have faults that W/we really can't change, but most can be altered in some way or another.    Many submissives build their whole life around Some One they have only talked to online and on the phone. Regrettably, most of these R/relationships have never worked out further than the first or second meeting. Why? Because, O/one was not totally honest with the O/other. Maybe O/one sent a 10-year-old picture and had since lost all their hair. Or O/one said, yes, I/i love Y/you doing all those things Y/you enjoy. Looks shouldn't matter, but T/they can when the picture Y/you hold of S/some O/one Y/you now love is not W/who T/they really are.      When talking online, little lies can be so easy to say, after all no O/one can see Y/your face to determine if Y/you are telling the truth or not. It's easy to type in 120 pounds when the reality is at least 170, or that Y/you are unmarried, or any other numerous lies. When Y/you tell the truth, no matter how ugly or hard, Y/you will find Y/your circle of F/friends to be unique: P/people W/who truly know the real Y/you and care about Y/you, even with this knowledge. Around these P/people, Y/you won't have to worry if Y/you will be found out and lose what Y/you are building. If Y/you don't like something about Y/yourself, change it in real life, and NOT in words only.    It's easy enough to agree to things that Y/you don't want to do in order to please S/some O/one else. Being honest about what Y/you want and need is only the first step in building the foundation Y/you will need if Y/you truly want to live this lifestyle. But this first step, (100% Honesty) truly establishes the foundation for everything else that will be placed upon it.

First Stone: Respect

In order to be respected, Y/you must be respectable, worth A/another's respect. If Y/you are continuously disrespectful, Y/you demonstrate a lack of respect to those around Y/you, as well as for Y/yourself. Respect is something that is earned from O/others by Y/your actions. Respect can easily be lost by Y/your actions as well. Act respectable, be respectable, and Y/you will earn the respect Y/you need in life as well as the D/s Lifestyle.

Second Stone: Acceptance

Acceptance of O/others for W/who T/they are not what O/one wishes T/them to be. This holds true of A/all in every means of life even more so in the D/s Lifestyle. A submissive has no color, race, gender, or creed they are simply a submissive. The same holds true for a Dominant. They are simply a Dominant. P/personal preferences are exactly that preferences. Not what the Lifestyle is about for A/all in it have one big commonality, W/we live the Lifestyle and incorporate it in O/our lives.

Third Stone: Love

What A/all must have in and of S/self first before O/one can love A/another. The love of A/all and the Lifestyle will come from love of S/self and the pursuit of O/ones true happiness. Once the love of S/self takes hold, S/self-esteem rises, insight of O/others changes and then O/one begins to shed that love onto O/others as T/they walk on T/their path towards true happiness. This is the deepest L/love a P/person can hold within T/their hearts. To Love so deep O/one will die for that Love.

Fourth Stone: Trust

For S/some, is merely a lip service and never a second thought of the consequences. In the world of D/s, trust is the last corner stone upon which everything else is built. It is the last to form and the first to fall. In order for a submissive to be able to give of themselves to a Dominant, there has to be unconditional trust in all aspects of the R/relationship. Basic trust is something W/we tend to give easily to most P/people. But the trust in a D/s R/relationship goes much deeper, the kind that means Y/you trust Y/your very life (for REAL) to S/some O/one and is not a trust that can be built in just days or weeks. This much deeper level of trust often take years to establish, and is the last to be placed upon the foundation.    Integrity is an extremely important aspect of establishing trust. The P/person Y/you are with has to know that Y/your values are true, and not merely something created to match T/theirs. In return, Y/you must know that Y/you can count on T/them to adhere to T/their code of values. When you are being tied up, this is NOT the time to start worrying if They do or don't have the integrity needed to keep you safe. The need to know beforehand that They won't breach any negotiated limits and will listen to, and abide by your safe words. B/both the Dominant and submissive must have total trust in the O/other, to speak honestly if things are going to fast, to slow, or to intense. Not doing so can literally have life and death consequences, be it yours or S/some O/one E/else's. Are Y/you willing to risk A/another's or even Y/your O/own life just to try to impress S/some O/one? If Y/you are, Y/you seriously need to consider why Y/you would place yourself in such jeopardy. No justification is ever good enough for endangering S/some O/one E/else. During a scene, integrity is what can mean the difference between safety and blind vulnerability.    In most R/relationships, the Dominant provides a formal structure that the submissive must adhere to. If the R/relationship is long distance, the Dominant only has the submissive’s word that they are adhering to boundaries, and truly performing tasks established by Them. The Dominant must trust in the submissive's word that they are doing as they are directed. Sometimes, it is so tempting to merely say, Yes, I did or didn't do something, when in reality you are telling a lie to make your life a little easier. The submissive also has to trust that the Dominant will fulfill Their responsibilities also. If the Dominant does not fulfill these responsibilities, the submissive may slowly start to rebel, often not realizing what they are doing until it is too late. The decisions and choices Y/you make with respect to unsupervised obedience will be Y/your O/own. Though O/others may offer opinions or ideas, in the end, it is Y/you who decides the extent and validity of Y/your performance. Y/you are the O/one responsible for Y/your O/own actions, and Y/you should accept responsibility by admitting to T/them. Remember, it's easier to make choices that do not later require apologies and forgiveness. Y/you may offer, or be offered an apology and Y/you might even accept it. But in the back of Y/your mind, Y/you will always remember the incident, and the truth Y/you once knew was betrayed. Having a lingering uncertainty can be one of many ways the foundation will start to crumble.    Many P/people try to justify dishonesty by stating that it's just better the O/other P/person not know, or that T/they didn't need to know. Keeping secrets and white lies is still dishonesty and can rapidly destroy trust. Secrets are very hard to keep hidden from O/others. Someday, somehow T/they always have a way of coming to light and Y/you will be found out. The only P/person Y/you are protecting by lying or hiding things is Y/yourself. What to Y/you may seem a small incident, may to the O/other P/party seem to be a big issue, merely because Y/you attempted to hide it. Secrets and hiding makes O/others ask questions. Many times, lying seems to be the easiest choice in the beginning of a R/relationship. But, in the end, honesty always turns out to be best.    Being reliable is also is an absolute must. If Y/you say Y/you are going to do something, then by all means, do it. Don't make excuses, or lie. Y/your Dominant or submissive counts on Y/you to be reliable.    Honesty, integrity, respectability, reliability, and responsibility all lead to absolute trust. Remember, the first gift in submission is trust. But trust must be created from honesty, acceptance, respect and love. The loss of any of these can do irreversible damage to a R/relationship. D/s requires absolute trust in all aspects, from all P/parties participating. When doubt arises, it slowly erodes the foundation then trust is gone. Even if O/one corrects T/their ways after a trust is broken, it is very slow to be rebuilt the second time, if at all. The gift of total trust is not to be taken lightly. Please treat it with the care it deserves. After all, once a foundation starts to crumble, the whole structure will soon fall.