lunaspaz's Blog

Alex. seriously stop it.. i know this is you.. and i know you know you are me. so please for both our sakes come get me. because i cant keep sitting in this fucking room and playing pretend because i know you are a real person and you are James alexander lindberg and i am lauren vargas and as much as we try to post it up like we arent. not matter what. we are eachother on the inside. I know it you know it facebook knows it even fuck book knows it. And you know my fantasy with you because the truth is we want alllll the fantasies. But we dont even need sex at all we could literally sit in a room for hours and talk and not have sex. we just chose not to so i wouldnt be a cheater. then i caved and i told u i broke up with bryan. when i really ditched him. and ive regreted it ever since. all because you would not admit to me. that night in dekalb really happened. And i trusted you with that shit. because i threw myself at you felt terrible. fought you. which i know i did i totally know u hit me that night u pushed me and i fell and hit my head in a bath tub. i never hit you i always pushed u but u could tell i was so fucked up. and sad and lonely about my mother and the fact i saw her in you. and you pushed me when i felt like the lowest peice of shit on the earth. i always posted up i did not care about my mothers death. but it was because i had faith youd stick around to be there for me afterwards. and that night i showed u that. and u lied to me about it. and i know its true and i cant forget it. i know that night we touched eachother. u fingered me with ur middle finger really slow at first while i slowly petted ur dick and then we went crazzy and started going reallly fast. i know. that that night. i should not have cheated on bryan. and i left that bathroom for him. even though i knew. i knew if i stayed in that bathroom with you long enough we would not be able to control it. we would fuck ourselves. so i kept faith that if i could bring myself to forget and leave bryan for awhile over the fact hes my good friend but i dont want him like that. youd get the picture and come back to me and finish what we started. because i was out to tell you i loved you and i was sooo scared so i got sooo fucked up just so i wouldnt feel low doing it. and when i got there. and i kissed you and you flat out kissed you and told u i loved you. you kissed me right back and said wheres bryan. and i knew u loved me because u looked seriously happy for the first time in ages. but u knew it shouldnt be done if im with bryan. and we knew it was wrong but once we touched eachother.. we knew it may have been wrong that night. but it is not wrong now and u know it i know it everyone knows it ok. i know it. no one will tell me to my face we jacked eacchother off in that bathroom. but what no one has the guts to say to my face is that you are not truley madly and deeply in love with me. and i trust my friends to tell me if you werent. so if you dont come back for me i have the worste llife ever. the love of my life. which is my life and you know it. and the worste friends ever. the ones i trusted to tell me that night was real if u said it wasnt. but it wasnt the touching that was real. it was the intense love we shared for evertyhing about eachother that lead us to that touching. and you know it. you need to come back and prove to me that i am not madly in love with literally no one. and that i actually have good friends. or im killing myself . and youll havve to live with it for the rest of your life. that you literally killed yourself for no good reason. and this website. and facebook. is living proof of it.