Unquenchable's Blog

Let’s discuss where you learnt about sex; how it has influenced you into adulthood. Did your sex education give you a healthy introduction into sexual pleasure, or did you come into your first relationship with inaccurate preconceptions or notions on what is ‘normal’?

I’m of Generation X, we grew up without the extra dimension and influence of a cyber universe. My first ideas on sexual pleasure came from secretly flicking through the pages of the pornographic magazines at my local news agency. In comparison to what is now available at the fingertips of young people it was quite vanilla; I honestly don’t remember seeing much more than oversized tits and lesbians giving oral to a few pretty pink pussies.

With the internet removing all barriers to obtaining any type of sexual preference, being it slightly kinky to more extreme fetishes, it’s not surprising that a few sex experts are stopping to ask ‘Is internet porn playing the role of sex educator to upcoming generations; and if it is, is this providing a good foundation and appropriate information for a healthy sex life into adulthood?’

Many experts will be of the opinion that sex education should start early to avoid misconceptions and confusions leading into adulthood, and show concern that internet porn is now the biggest single influence on t-eenagers regarding sex education. I recently watched a documentary regarding sex education in U.K schools. It was quite eye opening to see how these boys had already formed ideals around sex and were expecting their female partners to meet the unreal scenarios that porn had produced. During this documentary these young adults were asked to write a script depicting a sexual encounter between a man and a woman which was mutually pleasurable and gratifying. The young women in the group appeared quite intimidated about speaking on the subject openly (perhaps in fear of being viewed as sluts if they were too knowledgeable on the subject of sex) and the boys were quite the opposite, boisterous and eager to participate. Interestingly enough without too much input from the girls, the boys ended the intimate written piece with “and then the man came all over her face”. Interestingly because it was quite a serious opinion that cumming over a woman’s face without warning or asking consent prior was perfectly “normal” and loving behavior within a relationship. It was clear this misconception had been derived from porn.

Now I expect at this point it might seem confusing that I would be writing a piece seemingly anti-porn when in fact I work myself within the adult industry. However, I am not anti-porn. As an adult I am inspired and intrigued by some of the less talked about areas of sexual play and online porn has opened up a way to explore these fetishes privately and safely. I will proudly boast that my boyfriend and I enjoy fucking like porn stars and bringing out our inner kink in the privacy of the bedroom. However, I suspect we are only able to do so in a healthy and mutually beneficial way because we had a solid sex education that taught the importance of respect.

" Porn can have both negative and positive impacts," says Alice Gauntley, a sex education activist and a student in gender and sexuality studies at McGill University in Montreal. "It can reinfor.ce sexist, racist and transphobic stereotypes and give us unrealistic expectations about sex and our bodies. But it can also be a source of pleasure and a means of exploring our sexualities. But for young people with no sexual experience, processing the porn on their screens may be quite a challenge." Gauntley argues, "it is necessary to equip tee.ns with the tools they need to make sense of the erotic material they might come across."

So who is going to step up and encourage parents and formal educators to teach on this subject? When will we learn to be comfortable with the subject of pleasure and consent so that women are not objectified and instead are empowered through confidence in their knowing their own bodies and desires? Who will prepare young people for sexual intimacy and fill in the educational void that exists in porn?

For porn itself is not the problem here, and many women may enjoy the fantasies or roles it presents. This is part of our sexual freedom to be fluid with our sexuality and enjoy experimentation. The problem lies in the lack of open discussion in community about relationships and intimacy; about teaching women how to say no, and for men to recognize consent in both verbal and non verbal form. Porn is just people having sex on a screen, usually in a really pathetic acting style. But until we recognize the need to educate beyond the biological our young adults will continue to be confused about intimacy. Our daughters will cry after being involved in things they were uncomfortable with but couldn’t find their voice to speak up; while young men will continue to consider practices such as ‘seagulling’ or ‘turkey slapping’ to be fun and normal sex play.

Good sex education teaches both genders what a healthy relationship looks like and the importance of consent; making sure young people understand that while porn is fun it is not reflecting reality.

(If you wish to explore more on this topic and the documentary which inspired this blog, you can view the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYhyJhuDmfg)